Friday, November 28, 2014

The Ups and Downs During My First Month of Unemployment

Oh, hey. Did you just graduate from college? Same here, so congratulations to the both of us, then. It’s such a fulfilling life event, isn’t it? Those terror professors, never-ending piles of paperwork, sleepless nights are now over. I think you and I deserve a break, right? Right. Some of our classmates just want to immerse themselves immediately to the real world and get some hands-on experience of the adult life while I will spend the next month contemplating about that. Some people just has it all planned out, you know? I’ve also wanted a concrete life plan after college as well, but oh, spontaneity just suddenly knocked on my door and told me, “Give yourself a break first.”

I get this hint of jealousy seeing and hearing news about my college classmates knowing that they've established themselves a 9 to 5 job and are already attending grad school in other countries. Everything just happened in a blink of an eye. I give my applause to them because wow, they’re already progressing into something. They’re already moving forward to their future.

As for me, I remain static. Weeks before my graduation and I was already getting a job offer. I was actually already interviewed thrice and I turned it down thrice. It was an entry-level position. It was kind of a fit for my degree, and the salary was, well, alright for an entry-level position. I can’t choose yet, you know. Life will not just provide you your ideal position. But the thing is, I wasn't ready yet. Or that's how I see it. I wanted to say I'm very much prepared but deep down I'm quite scared and intimidated. It's like you've just achieved something big and honorable and then after that you're back to square one. 

There's a few ups and downs of being unemployed. It's just my first month so it's not that long. First, it's recovery. I had all the time in the palm of my hands doing what I wanted to do without the aching feeling of knowing that you have a paper that's due in the next 6 hours. I get to compensate my lack of sleeping hours and the shows on TV that I've missed. It was a nice first month if you asked me.The second is freedom. Yes, my parents are both working, all of my siblings are in school, I have the house all to myself. The Wi-Fi's faster than ever, no one hogs the remote control of the TV until 4PM (since my siblings go home by 4PM,) and the food is all for myself...for now. Knowing that I'm recovering from my post-college woes and I have no one to control my time for now, everything seems to be unrestrained and open. There is one thing that's not clear though, and that's my future.

The downsides of being alone and unemployed for the moment is that there's this tiny little, annoying, persistent, conscience, asking you..."Now what?" I mean, looking at my college friends they seem to already have that answered. I'm undecided yet. I have goals, but no objectives. I've always wanted to travel the world or maybe stay in another country for a month or two and get a part-time job there and that would be a very amazing opportunity but I'm not the luckier ones. I wanted to push through this theater workshop I'm doing but my parents want me to have a more practical job. A Masters Degree would be cool but do I really want it? People will tell you to do this and do that instead, but I have no fucking interest in it and it's pressuring. I'm twenty, I'm old but I'm young. I'm ready but confused. I'm left with a lot of decisions, but just a few options. This is where I am right now. At home, being a bum and unproductive, yes that is true, but it's giving me the alone time that I needed. 

So to all those who are currently unemployed just like me, let's not lose hope, shall we? It's such a downer, it may even lower your self-esteem at times, but it makes you more self-aware, and gives ample time to think of what you really want to do, instead of hastily plunging into something you're not even prepared for. For all those who have plunged in, then good for you as well, the experience may also be worth the risk. We'll follow you soon. Hopefully, next year, the brand new year of 2015, I would have it all figured out. 

Photo credit: Georgie Wileman

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